I've come into possession of HLC's carpet shampooer (is that even a word?) and I'm a bit obsessed with it. It all began when I had to borrow it to clean Bamboo's rug. Bamboo was gracious enough to take on a house guest (one Duke Huxley Orwell G.) for a couple days and, as of Saturday, all seemed well. However, by day two, things had taken a turn for the worse. After gambling until almost 5 a.m., I awoke at 9 a.m. to the ringing of my phone, signaling a text/pic message. Much to my surprise, I was treated to a picture of Huxley's shit, accompanied by a later text that indicated Hux and done nothing but "shit and piss all over" Bamboo's house all weekend. I was mortified and obviously apologetic but, of course, couldn't do anything about it because I was over 400 miles away.
After I finally managed to round up my passenger and hit the open road, Huxley added the final straw to the camel's back by having some runny poop on the rug and and officially wore out his welcome. He was promptly returned to my apartment Sunday afternoon to await my return. I envisioned my bedroom covered in shit after I found out he was being paroled. But, by the time I got home late Sunday evening, he seemed OK. He had a little bit of runny poop in the bedroom, but he'd used the puppy pad, so all was good. It probably helped that he didn't have any food or water while he was at my place so it allowed him to dry out a bit.
Luckily, before I went to Deadwood I'd already made alternate arrangements for Hux during my Hawaiian trip to hell. Initially, he was supposed to stay with Bamboo, but that clearly isn't an option. Plus, I didn't want the stress of finding him a home for 7 days in case Bamboo had to cancel at the last minute. HLC, you needn't worry about receiving only a few hours' notice of Hux's arrival. Hux will be staying at a nice kennel north of town here. It's pricey but worth the money, from what i hear. It would have been cheaper to pay whomever was brave enough to dog sit, but this way I won't have to worry about Hux ruining anyone's house or transport the shampooer 100 miles.
Back to the shampooer: I LOVE IT. I'll be spending the weekend cleaning furniture, the rest of the bedrooms and memorizing pin cites and transcript page numbers for my oral argument at the supremes next week. HLC will see the return of her shampooer shortly after I burst into tears and sprint out of the courtroom at the 5 minute mark into my argument. I've mentally made a note that I want a vacuum steamer for my birthday. However, if things go as they planned, I'll be saying, "I can't believe they forgot my fucking birthday." And then, after the ceremony, I'll skip the reception to sit on a glass table with my crush, Jake, and blow out candles on a birthday cake. Sounds good to me.
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