Jeffrey Dahmer was a Creationist. He didn't believe in evolution. It "cheapens life."
So does trying to make zombies out of unsuspecting men by drilling holes into their heads while they're still alive. And eating them. And so on and so forth...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Updates: A Montage
1. Hell-waii was Hella Fun. Very few arguments, lots of sun, sand and ocean. Had a long trip back involving an emergency landing in Honolulu overnight and, in an unrelated note, a trip to the emergency room after arriving home. Swollen legs + paranoia = 8 hours with the Magic City's finest [sic] ER staff. No blood clot, just a firmer conviction that I will never have any major medical treatment here, if I can help it.
2. My dad caught me smoking on the beach. I was on the phone (which is what you do when on vacation in paradise), so there was no immediate discussion. I awaited the after-school special moment where we discussed how it was bad and I needed to quit. It never came, although he told me mom. She pretended to be shocked. Traitor.
3. Used the new carpet shampooer today. I love it more than the first one (since I don't go through a gallon of water every 20 minutes and spend 30 vacuuming it out of the carpets).
4. I got an arson case. Light it up!
5. Kansas lost today in the Elite Eight. Sigh. There's always next year.
6. The Sheriff has been deleted from my phone. Again.
7. Later spoke to the ex (who was with his girlfriend when I called in the middle of the night. see "Mortified" post.) Not only was he with his girlfriend, that he neglected to tell me existed, he was staying with her at a posh hotel that SHE rented for them for the night, AFTER she took him to a play and an expensive Japanese steakhouse. It was a new girlfriend, so I'm assuming she'd put out the cash to make the night "special." Me, I rented a movie and he busted a sweater out of the back of his closet (so as to fit into my "professional" world). I admonished him on her behalf since, if she was so into him that she paid $200 to get laid, she likely didn't do it. He now knows to never, under any circumstances, call an ex back at 2 a.m. after being wined and dined by a new girlfriend, while laying in bed with her. Ugh, what a pig. Actually, he's just clueless. I mean, it's not like I was going to put out for him.
8. Good book: 19 Minutes. About a fictitious school shooting, ala Columbine.
9. Huxley hasn't had any accidents since before Hell-waii. Although, unfortunately, he now prefers the puppy pads to the Great Outdoors. And, even though it was dark, I'm pretty sure that it was hardened poop that I pried from his mouth the last two nights in a row. I wanted him to pee outside. He apparently wanted a midnight snack.
10. How many scandals can one president have before the word "scandal" loses all meaning? I guess, if you're going to fuck up, do it alot so it's not even newsworthy anymore.
2. My dad caught me smoking on the beach. I was on the phone (which is what you do when on vacation in paradise), so there was no immediate discussion. I awaited the after-school special moment where we discussed how it was bad and I needed to quit. It never came, although he told me mom. She pretended to be shocked. Traitor.
3. Used the new carpet shampooer today. I love it more than the first one (since I don't go through a gallon of water every 20 minutes and spend 30 vacuuming it out of the carpets).
4. I got an arson case. Light it up!
5. Kansas lost today in the Elite Eight. Sigh. There's always next year.
6. The Sheriff has been deleted from my phone. Again.
7. Later spoke to the ex (who was with his girlfriend when I called in the middle of the night. see "Mortified" post.) Not only was he with his girlfriend, that he neglected to tell me existed, he was staying with her at a posh hotel that SHE rented for them for the night, AFTER she took him to a play and an expensive Japanese steakhouse. It was a new girlfriend, so I'm assuming she'd put out the cash to make the night "special." Me, I rented a movie and he busted a sweater out of the back of his closet (so as to fit into my "professional" world). I admonished him on her behalf since, if she was so into him that she paid $200 to get laid, she likely didn't do it. He now knows to never, under any circumstances, call an ex back at 2 a.m. after being wined and dined by a new girlfriend, while laying in bed with her. Ugh, what a pig. Actually, he's just clueless. I mean, it's not like I was going to put out for him.
8. Good book: 19 Minutes. About a fictitious school shooting, ala Columbine.
9. Huxley hasn't had any accidents since before Hell-waii. Although, unfortunately, he now prefers the puppy pads to the Great Outdoors. And, even though it was dark, I'm pretty sure that it was hardened poop that I pried from his mouth the last two nights in a row. I wanted him to pee outside. He apparently wanted a midnight snack.
10. How many scandals can one president have before the word "scandal" loses all meaning? I guess, if you're going to fuck up, do it alot so it's not even newsworthy anymore.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Need your Input ASAP!!!
So, Cat and I are trying to come up with a theme for t-shirts for Sis's bachelorette party. This is what I've come up with.
As a little background, the wedding is in North Dakota, mere minutes away from the International Peace Garden with Canada. North Dakota is the "Peace Garden State."
So, ala Urban Outfitters, this is my idea:
Outline of North Dakota, with this slogan, "Last Chance for a Peace of This Garden." Perhaps the following subtext will be added, "Sis's Bachelorette Party April 20, 2007."
The bachelorette party will also be held in ND.
As a little background, the wedding is in North Dakota, mere minutes away from the International Peace Garden with Canada. North Dakota is the "Peace Garden State."
So, ala Urban Outfitters, this is my idea:
Outline of North Dakota, with this slogan, "Last Chance for a Peace of This Garden." Perhaps the following subtext will be added, "Sis's Bachelorette Party April 20, 2007."
The bachelorette party will also be held in ND.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Mortified
So, I have 5 hours to kill this morning at the airport in Minneapolis, so I'm placing late-night calls to see if anyone wants to go to breakfast at 6:30 a.m. The Sheriff: No answer. Bob: No answer. Orion: too late to call. The plumber: Answered. He sounded funny, so I casually asked him what he was up to. He told me he was with his girlfriend. So, I said, "well, I have a long layover and wanted to see if you wanted to have breakfast but you'll probably be busy so it's ok" and then didn't really give him a chance to answer and got off the phone quickly.
That was not mentioned in the "you were the best girlfriend I've ever had" conversation yesterday, despite my sharing with him that I'd originally planned to have drinks with the Sheriff but he hadn't gotten back to me so I could probably swing drinks with the plumber during my 8-hour layover. I explained the history of me and the Sheriff. Perfect time for him to jump in with the fact that he has a girlfriend. What the fuck???
That was not mentioned in the "you were the best girlfriend I've ever had" conversation yesterday, despite my sharing with him that I'd originally planned to have drinks with the Sheriff but he hadn't gotten back to me so I could probably swing drinks with the plumber during my 8-hour layover. I explained the history of me and the Sheriff. Perfect time for him to jump in with the fact that he has a girlfriend. What the fuck???
Less screwed...(or more, maybe)
I have, at the insistence of my mother, packed my small "carry-on" suitcase, in addition to my big one. That's a good plan because I really need to keep track of more shit. I've started packing. I have 2 full suitcases and two loads of laundry that aren't done yet. Hmmmm.
I've also packed 10 pairs of shoes. Yes, 10. It's been a long time since my favorite type of shoe has been worn (open toe kitten heels) and all of them are coming with me. I also realized that, for the amount of purses that I've bought over the last 5 years, most of them suck. Well, truth be told, I can't remember where I packed most of them. But the accessible ones are ugly. And I'm most disturbed by the absences of my small black banana republic clutch. I found the coral one. Which is great because it matches so many things...I'm also trying to figure out what I want to wear on the plane. Pants? Skirt? I really want to wear pajamas but that won't go over well at all. Plus I'll look awesome at the Magic City airport wearing a skirt and no coat (no room to pack the columbia).
Now I'm tryin to track down all the small shit I need to remember. camera, iPod stuff, phone charger, etc. I hate myself right now.
I've also packed 10 pairs of shoes. Yes, 10. It's been a long time since my favorite type of shoe has been worn (open toe kitten heels) and all of them are coming with me. I also realized that, for the amount of purses that I've bought over the last 5 years, most of them suck. Well, truth be told, I can't remember where I packed most of them. But the accessible ones are ugly. And I'm most disturbed by the absences of my small black banana republic clutch. I found the coral one. Which is great because it matches so many things...I'm also trying to figure out what I want to wear on the plane. Pants? Skirt? I really want to wear pajamas but that won't go over well at all. Plus I'll look awesome at the Magic City airport wearing a skirt and no coat (no room to pack the columbia).
Now I'm tryin to track down all the small shit I need to remember. camera, iPod stuff, phone charger, etc. I hate myself right now.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Fuck...
It's almost 11 p.m., I haven't started packing, the place is a mess, and I'm tired. I have to be at the airport at 4 a.m.-ish.
I took some time out of my day to get a pedicure, using the gift certificate my sister gave me for christmas. So, I anticipated I'd be gone for an hour. Nope. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. And I didn't even get a foot/leg massage. What took so long? I'm not really sure, except it took her at lesat 20 minutes to paint the nails because she "slopped it on" as she put it, and then cleaned it off with a really sharp stick. It wasn't relaxing, especially when I realized I was going to miss a phone conference with a client. Fuck.
Then, I had to take Hux to the kennel on icy roads 15 miles north of town. That turned out to be another hour. I finally left work at 8:50 p.m., just in time to swing by the pharmacy to pick up my dollies.
I'm on my 2nd load of laundry, and I have one more to go. Luckily, I think I know where everything else is. I just have to get it in the suitcase, track down about 4 pairs of shoes, clean the litter box, take out the trash and water the close to dead plants. And, I have no idea how I'm getting to the airport. It's really only like 6 blocks away, so I could walk. But, I don't want to treck across the four lane highway at 4 a.m., nor do I want to trudge through our foot of snow. I had to use my four-wheel drive to get out of my alley and even go up and down my street. Awesome. I cannot WAIT to get the hell out of here.
The cats are very excited that the doggie isn't here. They'll be super-bummed when he comes home in 10 days.
If I don't talk to you before I leave, Aloha. I'm gone until the 11th, but that'll be longer if I'm not able to bond out after I'm arrested for assault.
I took some time out of my day to get a pedicure, using the gift certificate my sister gave me for christmas. So, I anticipated I'd be gone for an hour. Nope. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. And I didn't even get a foot/leg massage. What took so long? I'm not really sure, except it took her at lesat 20 minutes to paint the nails because she "slopped it on" as she put it, and then cleaned it off with a really sharp stick. It wasn't relaxing, especially when I realized I was going to miss a phone conference with a client. Fuck.
Then, I had to take Hux to the kennel on icy roads 15 miles north of town. That turned out to be another hour. I finally left work at 8:50 p.m., just in time to swing by the pharmacy to pick up my dollies.
I'm on my 2nd load of laundry, and I have one more to go. Luckily, I think I know where everything else is. I just have to get it in the suitcase, track down about 4 pairs of shoes, clean the litter box, take out the trash and water the close to dead plants. And, I have no idea how I'm getting to the airport. It's really only like 6 blocks away, so I could walk. But, I don't want to treck across the four lane highway at 4 a.m., nor do I want to trudge through our foot of snow. I had to use my four-wheel drive to get out of my alley and even go up and down my street. Awesome. I cannot WAIT to get the hell out of here.
The cats are very excited that the doggie isn't here. They'll be super-bummed when he comes home in 10 days.
If I don't talk to you before I leave, Aloha. I'm gone until the 11th, but that'll be longer if I'm not able to bond out after I'm arrested for assault.
Vacations are like finals...
The week before is always the most horrendous experience ever. I power shopped for 4 hours tonight, trying on at least 15 swimsuits. Only to come home and find that my existing suit looks better than any of the others I found. UGH!!! I also found some dresses at Target, of all places, but they'll only be OK if I can find my "special" underwear. And, by "special," I mean the sucking in, up to my bra line kind. Not the date kind.
I also tried on at least 15 tops and 10 skirts at another store. I had the sales lady at my disposal for an hour. She heard emergency and hawaii and thought it'd probably be a good chance at a decent commission. The gamble paid off for her. Only one skirt but at least 6 tops.
I have no idea how much laundry needs to be done, I have a billion things to do at work tomorrow, I need an eyebrow wax, I have to get Huxley to the kennel 10 miles north of town, partially on gravel, in this snowstorm, and I have no idea what I'm packing, or when. I have until 3:30 a.m. Saturday morning to take care of business. We'll see... It does stress me out less to know that this is a big part of who I am and I always manage to make things work. I mean, come one, did anyone, including myself, expect me to be packed and ready to go more than 2 hours before the plane left? I am me, and I accept my limitations.
To make the day weird, I got a phone call from an ex-boyfriend, the plumber. The most normal relationship I've ever had. Probably because I knew I wasn't going to marry him so his flaws didn't really bother me. We talked for an hour and he kept bringing up how much he liked dating me and what a good girlfriend I was. He even brought up how I'd been the best girlfriend re: buying him gifts, etc. Then we openly discussed the man neclace issue and the fact that he went to WEEZER without me. Still bitter. I honestly couldn't remember if it was Cake or Weezer but, when he disclosed it was Weezer, I was angry all over again. He thought the man neclace was the last straw. I pointed out that the dam broke around the time of the Weezer incident, about a week prior.
At the end of the conversation, he asked if I had a layover in Minneapolis and told me he really wanted to take me out for a drink. That's more than I can say for the Sheriff, so I guess he wins. Plus, he's a sure thing, if that's what I'm in the mood for. I warned him that I'd be crabby and tired during the layover, after a long, long flight and he reminded me that I was like that the entire time we dated. Touche.
Huxley hasn't caused any exploding tails or hysterical hair loss amongst my pussy posse today. It's the first time that's happened since, well, ever. Of course, the night's not over yet. Not for me, the raging insomniac. I called up my doc and made her give me the sleep meds that make me fat, but not insane, for the Hawaiian vacation. I mean, I'm going to gain weight while I'm there anyway, what's an extra boost going to hurt. It's a vacation-only thing, though. Then, I'm off to trying new meds that I can't locate within a 100 mile radius of the Magic City.
I also tried on at least 15 tops and 10 skirts at another store. I had the sales lady at my disposal for an hour. She heard emergency and hawaii and thought it'd probably be a good chance at a decent commission. The gamble paid off for her. Only one skirt but at least 6 tops.
I have no idea how much laundry needs to be done, I have a billion things to do at work tomorrow, I need an eyebrow wax, I have to get Huxley to the kennel 10 miles north of town, partially on gravel, in this snowstorm, and I have no idea what I'm packing, or when. I have until 3:30 a.m. Saturday morning to take care of business. We'll see... It does stress me out less to know that this is a big part of who I am and I always manage to make things work. I mean, come one, did anyone, including myself, expect me to be packed and ready to go more than 2 hours before the plane left? I am me, and I accept my limitations.
To make the day weird, I got a phone call from an ex-boyfriend, the plumber. The most normal relationship I've ever had. Probably because I knew I wasn't going to marry him so his flaws didn't really bother me. We talked for an hour and he kept bringing up how much he liked dating me and what a good girlfriend I was. He even brought up how I'd been the best girlfriend re: buying him gifts, etc. Then we openly discussed the man neclace issue and the fact that he went to WEEZER without me. Still bitter. I honestly couldn't remember if it was Cake or Weezer but, when he disclosed it was Weezer, I was angry all over again. He thought the man neclace was the last straw. I pointed out that the dam broke around the time of the Weezer incident, about a week prior.
At the end of the conversation, he asked if I had a layover in Minneapolis and told me he really wanted to take me out for a drink. That's more than I can say for the Sheriff, so I guess he wins. Plus, he's a sure thing, if that's what I'm in the mood for. I warned him that I'd be crabby and tired during the layover, after a long, long flight and he reminded me that I was like that the entire time we dated. Touche.
Huxley hasn't caused any exploding tails or hysterical hair loss amongst my pussy posse today. It's the first time that's happened since, well, ever. Of course, the night's not over yet. Not for me, the raging insomniac. I called up my doc and made her give me the sleep meds that make me fat, but not insane, for the Hawaiian vacation. I mean, I'm going to gain weight while I'm there anyway, what's an extra boost going to hurt. It's a vacation-only thing, though. Then, I'm off to trying new meds that I can't locate within a 100 mile radius of the Magic City.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)