I used to have a shirt bearing that slogan. Let me rephrase that. I used to wear a shirt bearing that slogan. I still have it. It doesn't fit anymore. My friend "Summer Ayres," the graphic designer from KC, MO, gave it to me. I'll be packing that, along with my not-yet-worn, "Trust Me. I'm a Lawyer" t-shirt from Urban Outfitters, for my Ozarks trip this summer. I was too fat for the UO t-shirt when I got it from my fun house-mirror image of a sister last year (she's a size 4 on a fat day and, sadly, people used to think we were twins, when she was a size 6 and I was a size 12).
That's really not the point, though. That's part of the inspiration for the topic header. The primary inspiration is that I've had too much nicotine and not enough caffeine today. I have a horrible headache. However, I do not have mono or strep throat, as I found out yesterday after spending 3 hours waiting for a 10 minute doctor visit to "Quickcare [sic] Walk-In Clinic." The receptionist was totally irritated that I didn't have an appointment. I'm sorry, change your name then. I'll sue them for false advertising and using a misleading trade name in my spare time if I'm not too hungry and strung-out to think. And if my tonsils ever shrink back to normal size.
I went grocery shopping and bought only healthy, LA Weight Loss approved foods and beverages. I fought my inner demons, my inner fat child, if you will. She's about 8 and could be aptly named, "Super-sized Girl." I did not buy the cookies I so love. As HLC can verify, these cookies are superb. I had a strong feeling of longing and disappointment as I forced myself to turn my head and walk away from the cookies. It's so stupid. I have two degrees and three law licenses. But I can't put down the cookies. Mind over stomach, mind over stomach, mind over stomach.
In exchange for denying myself the cookies, I treated myself to 8 oz. of cocktail shrimp (an approved menu item) for dinner. OK, I'll be honest. No reward there. It was painful. And it wasn't an "exchange." I'm an adult, I have an income, I could have had both. I don't feel satisfied. I feel cheated. I'm not able to deprive myself of one thing and then "trick" myself into accepting a healthy substitute when, logically and practically, I could have both. And that's why I'm fat.
I need a spendthrift food trust for where my food trustee only doles out so many dollars each week to feed my addiction. If I only had $5 in my pocket, that would be a true decision. Cookies? Shrimp? One or the other, not both. That, I can tell you would be an easy decision. Neither. I would spend my $5 on a couple of diet cokes and a pack of Marlboro lights. Like I said...Caffeine. Nicotine.
If I had another $5? I'd pick the cookies. Over the shrimp. Over the Vodka. Every time.
That's really not the point, though. That's part of the inspiration for the topic header. The primary inspiration is that I've had too much nicotine and not enough caffeine today. I have a horrible headache. However, I do not have mono or strep throat, as I found out yesterday after spending 3 hours waiting for a 10 minute doctor visit to "Quickcare [sic] Walk-In Clinic." The receptionist was totally irritated that I didn't have an appointment. I'm sorry, change your name then. I'll sue them for false advertising and using a misleading trade name in my spare time if I'm not too hungry and strung-out to think. And if my tonsils ever shrink back to normal size.
I went grocery shopping and bought only healthy, LA Weight Loss approved foods and beverages. I fought my inner demons, my inner fat child, if you will. She's about 8 and could be aptly named, "Super-sized Girl." I did not buy the cookies I so love. As HLC can verify, these cookies are superb. I had a strong feeling of longing and disappointment as I forced myself to turn my head and walk away from the cookies. It's so stupid. I have two degrees and three law licenses. But I can't put down the cookies. Mind over stomach, mind over stomach, mind over stomach.
In exchange for denying myself the cookies, I treated myself to 8 oz. of cocktail shrimp (an approved menu item) for dinner. OK, I'll be honest. No reward there. It was painful. And it wasn't an "exchange." I'm an adult, I have an income, I could have had both. I don't feel satisfied. I feel cheated. I'm not able to deprive myself of one thing and then "trick" myself into accepting a healthy substitute when, logically and practically, I could have both. And that's why I'm fat.
I need a spendthrift food trust for where my food trustee only doles out so many dollars each week to feed my addiction. If I only had $5 in my pocket, that would be a true decision. Cookies? Shrimp? One or the other, not both. That, I can tell you would be an easy decision. Neither. I would spend my $5 on a couple of diet cokes and a pack of Marlboro lights. Like I said...Caffeine. Nicotine.
If I had another $5? I'd pick the cookies. Over the shrimp. Over the Vodka. Every time.
1 comment:
Yes, the cookies are good. I almost bought some last night too, but they had some yucky pepermint flavored ones. Sounded gross. You'll fit back in the shirt, just wait.
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