Second weigh-in this week. I've gained 1 lb since Tuesday. I'm not ashamed. It was worth it, those cookies were damn good. Actually, "Lois," my weight loss counselor for the last 2 sessions, said it wasn't just because of the cookies, it's because I wasn't eating all my servings so I wasn't getting enough calories and my body was storing the fat. However, she has no credibility with me. And I might have to eight-six her from my counseling sessions before I OD on pancakes and pies just to spite her.
So, let's talk about Lois. I have so much disdain for her. She acts like this weight loss plan is rocket science and she explains it in painstaking detail. I once knew the Rule Against Perpetuity and, after skipping 43 out of 48 Business Associations classes in law school, I got a B+. Most things don't have a steep learning curve for me, especially when all I have to do is fill in ovals with a pen each day to record my portion intake. It's like the SATs...for fat people.
YET, I'm apparently not smart enough to equally divide my portions throughout the day. The real issue is that I blow off eating when I'm at work. I know what i should be eating, I just don't do it. Anyway, back to Lois. She pulled out a "menu planner," which was a spreadsheet broken down by days of the week and boxes for each meal of each day. In each box, I'm supposed to plan what my meals will be. She explained how to fill out this sheet for 15 minutes. FIFTEEN F***ing MINUTES!
We then had a five minute discussion about how to work my 1/2 protein into my diet in the morning. The simple answer is peanut butter on a piece of bread. When I told her that, she said, "No, it should be toast." Why? Because she likes toast. And bread is just "so plain." I'm sorry, but I don't have a toaster (see below). And I like bread. I didn't protest, though, this would have just made the explanation longer. At the end of the meal planner explanation, she says, "but you pick what you like, it's your diet." I never would have thought of that.
FYI: never pack your toaster with your small Christmas ornaments when moving. They get lodged into the toaster pretty easily.
Then, she asked if I was married. When I said no, she told me it was OK to go to fast food restaurants by myself during the day and eat (things that are allowed in their menu guide). I could just take a book or something. This is after I explained that I work through lunch every day because I like to get stuff done so I can go home earlier in the evening. I don't have a phobia of being alone in public. After living here in the French City, I prefer it to the company of the locals (Shanographer and Bamboo, excluded).
Finally, she gave me her mom's "secret" recipe for sloppy joes. First, ewe. Second, it's how every housewife in this godforsaken wasteland, including my mother, make them: Tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard, brown sugar, ground beef. I hope she doesn't sue when she realizes I've spilled her trade secrets to the public.
I need a mallet....
So, let's talk about Lois. I have so much disdain for her. She acts like this weight loss plan is rocket science and she explains it in painstaking detail. I once knew the Rule Against Perpetuity and, after skipping 43 out of 48 Business Associations classes in law school, I got a B+. Most things don't have a steep learning curve for me, especially when all I have to do is fill in ovals with a pen each day to record my portion intake. It's like the SATs...for fat people.
YET, I'm apparently not smart enough to equally divide my portions throughout the day. The real issue is that I blow off eating when I'm at work. I know what i should be eating, I just don't do it. Anyway, back to Lois. She pulled out a "menu planner," which was a spreadsheet broken down by days of the week and boxes for each meal of each day. In each box, I'm supposed to plan what my meals will be. She explained how to fill out this sheet for 15 minutes. FIFTEEN F***ing MINUTES!
We then had a five minute discussion about how to work my 1/2 protein into my diet in the morning. The simple answer is peanut butter on a piece of bread. When I told her that, she said, "No, it should be toast." Why? Because she likes toast. And bread is just "so plain." I'm sorry, but I don't have a toaster (see below). And I like bread. I didn't protest, though, this would have just made the explanation longer. At the end of the meal planner explanation, she says, "but you pick what you like, it's your diet." I never would have thought of that.
FYI: never pack your toaster with your small Christmas ornaments when moving. They get lodged into the toaster pretty easily.
Then, she asked if I was married. When I said no, she told me it was OK to go to fast food restaurants by myself during the day and eat (things that are allowed in their menu guide). I could just take a book or something. This is after I explained that I work through lunch every day because I like to get stuff done so I can go home earlier in the evening. I don't have a phobia of being alone in public. After living here in the French City, I prefer it to the company of the locals (Shanographer and Bamboo, excluded).
Finally, she gave me her mom's "secret" recipe for sloppy joes. First, ewe. Second, it's how every housewife in this godforsaken wasteland, including my mother, make them: Tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard, brown sugar, ground beef. I hope she doesn't sue when she realizes I've spilled her trade secrets to the public.
I need a mallet....
1 comment:
That Lois sounds swell. Why don't you like her? :)
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