So, my new firm, the M, had its annual health screening day. Flu shots and cholestrol checks for everyone. I got my flu shot, after I signed a thermisol waiver (don't want to develop autism). And, I got the cholesterol test, blood sugar test, and my blood pressure checked.
The results were mostly good, with one alarming thing, which I'll get to in a minute.
1. Blood pressure results: 104/78. Suck it, Jesus! I smoke a pack a day and my bp is superb.
2. Cholesterol: 202. Not quite a "suck it, jesus" moment, but it's only 2 points higher than "desirable." Again, surprising given the fact that I eat crap.
3. Glucose level: 122. I'm sorry, Jesus. I am pre-diabetic, and only 4 points away from being diabetic. Granted, it's one test, and it takes at least two taken on two separate days to diagnose actual diabetes, but what if it was just especially low, and I'm already diabetic? Looks like my sugar cravings have caught up to me. I can't explain the sugar cravings, only that they started after I graduated from law school, and it's like nothing I've ever had before. Except smoking. And crack. Anyway, yikes. I got to slack up on the juice. And work out, of course. It totally sucks. However, as HLC pointed out today, I now have 2 co-morbidity factors that would qualify me for gastric lap band surgery. As we discussed last night, I have a BMI below 40 (I know, right?!) and, last I read, you had to have 2 co-morbidity factors to qualify for surgery if your BMI was below 40 (40 is morbidly obese). Well, I already have arthritis. And now pre-diabetes.
I'd like to revisit the arthritis issue. It's obviously aggravated by the fact that I'm, well, not thin. But, it's only in my right ankle (and maybe my knee, which is not relevant to this story). Anyway, I was skiing down a hill in Montana thirteen years ago this week, minding my own business (with my ski boots unbuckled because they were so tight they made my feet numb), when boom, I hit a mogul (that I didn't see because I was too cool to wear my glasses and ski goggles when I skiied) and had a yard sale. When I'd managed to compose my self, I realized that I didn't feel so good in the ankle area. So, I skiied, mostly on one leg, down the rest of the hill to the lodge and, with the assistance of my mother, yanked my boot off to discover swelling around the size of a large egg on the outer side of my right ankle. And, with that, my ski trip was over and I was on the couch watching infomercials for the topsy-tail for the next three days and write a "controversial" school paper on STDs.
It just wasn't feeling better, so I went to a podiatrist, Dr. Aaron Olson. Ah, Dr. Olson. I'd like to express my sincere gratitude to him for all of those cortisone shots he gave me in my 'sprained' ankle. Yes, for at least three months, I received almost weekly cortisone shots to help my 'sprain.' No crutches, no vicodin, no physical therapy, no air cast. Just cortisone shots to numb the pain and allow me to walk on my ankle, creating even more damage.
Now, this doesn't seem so bad until you consider the fact that it was actually BROKEN. I first learned that my ankle was BROKEN about a month ago (twelve years and eleven months after injuring myself). I fell down some stairs moving out of my apartment in the Magic City (no need to worry, the box I was carrying broke my fall) and sprained my ankle. Anyway, I went in to get it checked out and the LPN (not even a real doctor), after reviewing my X-ray, asked me how old I was when I broke my ankle. Um, what? Yeah, right there, plain as day (to a person familiar with reading x-rays), was a healed fracture in my ankle, right where I "sprained" it.
And, as a result of that ankle "sprain" I basically destroyed my ligaments and tendons in my ankle (compensating back and forth, depending on where it hurt, to the point where I developed some nasty tendonitis on the opposite side of the ankle "sprain"). This I already knew - that I had no working tendons or ligaments. What I didn't realize is that my ankle joint was really, really, really loose. Which is why I fall down a lot. So, it wasn't just the booze all those times. OK, it was the booze for most of them. But it also explains why I did a face plant in a cemetary a few months ago (unsteady ground, high heels) and grass-stained my suit.
So, I'm an arthritic pre-diabetic.
I'm out.
4 comments:
Yikes - now you've got me wondering about my knee that I popped out sophomore year. I hope I didn't have the same doc check me out.
As for the diabetes, what did you eat before the test? If you had any fruit or sugar or juice before it that will make it sky rocket.
Are you going out shopping on Black Friday?
I ate a cigarette and a couple sips of diet coke. Damnit. No shopping for me on Black Friday, I can't deal with the angry mobs fresh off the farm fighting over the $20 DVD player at Walmart.
I will be here this weekend, however. For the first time since early college, the family is not trecking 200 miles to the cabin. So, back to the hometown for the first time since April. It's good in that I won't be spending the night. There and back in one day. You?
We'll be going to my folks' place and then up to Mike's Aunt's. We'll be staying in town at least, which is nice. Usually the holidays are just spent driving, driving, driving.
I'll be going out shopping with my Mom and Aunt - not sure what time we're going out.
I work Sat & Sun so I'm sure I'll be ready to kill some people by the time the weekend is done :)
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