So, Drastic Times....

I'm going in for a consultation on lap band surgery tomorrow. I've been struggling with weight for at least 22 years. Even when I lose weight, it comes back with a vengeance and the only benefit, regardless of the yo-yo, is that my boobs manage to get and stay bigger. However, it's only a matter of time before they're flap-jacks down to my waist. And by time, I mean probably twenty years or so, but still.

So, I spoke with HLC's mom who had the surgery, and she's all for it. And, unlike my mom, I don't feel judged by her. She has true empathy, and similar experiences with her own mother and her own weight battle. So, what the hell.

Here's the problem. I'm probably not fat enough to have the surgery. How ridiculous is that? You need to have a BMI of 40+. Me? I'm at 35.7. If your BMI is 35-40, you have to have one or two obesity related co-morbidity factors. Here are some of them and here's why I probably won't be considered to have any of them.

1. High blood pressure: Despite my best efforts at smoking a pack a day, I have LOW blood pressure.

2. Sleep apnea: Sleep study proved that I don't have sleep apnea (yet failed to discover anything related to my insomnia - thanks Trinity)

3. Prediabetes: Nope, completely normal blood sugar.

4. High cholestrol: again, despite my best efforts, normal cholestrol.

5. Asthma: Nope, again, despite my best efforts. I grew up in a polluted power plant/coal mine town and, again, I love the Marbs, but still no asthma.

6. Back pain: Yes, but related to my three-car pile up in April.

7. Joint pain: Yes, but related to my BROKEN ankle that was diagnosed 13 years after the fact and my knee surgery, both from ski injuries. And, unfortunately, I did not fall because I was too fat.

8. Thyroid: completely normal (much to my mother's disappointment, both times I've had it tested in my life)

9. Depression: Not weight-related. Just life-related, and probably genetic.

10. Maybe the fact that my grandmother was a trainwreck of a human speciment might help. Heart disease, stroke and diabetes, along with an anxiety disorder. She's dead, of course (based on the above), but she hasn't seemed to have passed along any of those traits to her children.

11 My dad has high blood pressure but, as I indicated, but he's so type A that I don't know how he couldn't. And, who knows, maybe if I didn't smoke, my blood pressure would be so low I'd be dead. See No. 1, supra.

12. Gastric Reflux: Maybe, but I've already been diagnosed with an ulcer (I can't imagine why).

13. Anxiety disorder: check but, again, not weight related.

14. Insomnia: check, but not on the list of obesity-related factors.

Unfortunately, as my doctor told me a few years ago, with somewhat astonishment, I am "remarkably healthy." I just can't get control over the issue, and I'd like some assistance that's not in the form of a christmas gift of LA Weightloss. Yeah, I'm still a little bitter.

The downside is that I would have to give up food, diet coke and smoking. Those are all serious quality of life issues for me. I would love to give up the food, and I accept that the smoking has to stop. but the diet coke? really?

Here's some more info if you're curious.

http://www.lapband.com/get_informed/about_lapband/

I'll keep you posted.

I'm fat. It's that simple, really. Just plain fat.

So fat, I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror anymore. So fat that I have a hard time imagining that anyone would want to touch me, much less kiss me or seriously consider dating me. So fat that I don't even like going out much anymore. You can put lipstick on a pig, but...Anyway, the bottom line is that I am so fat that I am no longer cute. And, as each year passes, I feel like I've lost another battle. I'm going to go through my lifetime chronogoly, with snippets of soul-crushing experiences that have made me who I am today: fat and with a very poor body image and poor outlook on my health. Even my family (especially my family) feels as though I've given up. I probably have. I was relatively thin (size 12-14) when I moved to Minneaolis, and then somewhat slimmer when I moved to Minot. And then it was a free-for-alll.

The long and the short of it is this: I've lost the war. And it's time to wage one of my own. Wiht a ltitle luck and some as yet to be uncovered serious medical concerns, I should be a shoo-in. I may have a chance to control my own destiny and, by using this blog as its intended purpose, I'll chronologically go through the mini-mmovie films of my past that play on a almost-continuously loop day in and day out.